Let's never talk about it again.
Let's never mention that you were with her--or that you touched her.
And that she touched you.
And let's never talk about how much it hurt me--or how much it still hurts.
I want to talk about how I wish I could forgive you.
And about how I wish I could have done something so you wouldn't have done it...
"I said hell is so close, and heaven's out of reach, but I'm not giving up quite yet. I've got too much to lose."
-Augustana
I've put too much into this to just walk away--but staying is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I can't get it out of my head, I think about it before I sleep, and every time I look in the mirror. I wonder if I'm really what you want, or if I'm good enough. I wonder if you'll compare us--and if I'm not pretty enough.
...I don't want to be alone.
I hate that this had to happen for us to be as close as we are now. I hate it more than you could know. Something like her--like what you did--shouldn't have needed to happen for us to realize that we are the only ones for each other.
I take a shot of caffeine, a stupid thing to do. Because now I'll be awake, thinking about our mistakes.
I waited every single night, for that phone call. I'd wake up in the middle of the night, my phone still in my hand, hoping, just hoping, that I'd have a missed call, a voice mail, or a text. And every single time, I'd be disappointed. I'd curl up in my blankets, and I'd cry myself to sleep--knowing that you didn't want me anymore. I guess a part of me knew we were over, but we never made it official. You just upped and left--left me. I didn't know why...
How am I to know that won't happen again? When I call, and you don't answer, or I text, and you don't reply--I can't help but think...is it the first day to another set of the worst days, weeks, or months of my life?
I know people say to forgive and forget, but it's really not that easy. And I don't think I can.
...But I suppose that time heals all wounds, right?
And about how I wish I could have done something so you wouldn't have done it...
"I said hell is so close, and heaven's out of reach, but I'm not giving up quite yet. I've got too much to lose."
-Augustana
I've put too much into this to just walk away--but staying is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I can't get it out of my head, I think about it before I sleep, and every time I look in the mirror. I wonder if I'm really what you want, or if I'm good enough. I wonder if you'll compare us--and if I'm not pretty enough.
...I don't want to be alone.
I hate that this had to happen for us to be as close as we are now. I hate it more than you could know. Something like her--like what you did--shouldn't have needed to happen for us to realize that we are the only ones for each other.
I take a shot of caffeine, a stupid thing to do. Because now I'll be awake, thinking about our mistakes.
I waited every single night, for that phone call. I'd wake up in the middle of the night, my phone still in my hand, hoping, just hoping, that I'd have a missed call, a voice mail, or a text. And every single time, I'd be disappointed. I'd curl up in my blankets, and I'd cry myself to sleep--knowing that you didn't want me anymore. I guess a part of me knew we were over, but we never made it official. You just upped and left--left me. I didn't know why...
How am I to know that won't happen again? When I call, and you don't answer, or I text, and you don't reply--I can't help but think...is it the first day to another set of the worst days, weeks, or months of my life?
I know people say to forgive and forget, but it's really not that easy. And I don't think I can.
...But I suppose that time heals all wounds, right?
1 comment:
I dont know what happened, but I'm sorry it did. =(
I know you feel like you cant forgive and forget right now,
But, like you said, give it time.
Things will work out like they need to.
Like Postal Service said "Be still my heart, this could be a brand new start with you. And it will be clear if I wake up and youre still here with me."
Just be still and let things run its course, is my advice.
=)
-Adriana
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