We'll fall just like stars being hung by only string.

Today, I realized just how much I am scared to grow up, and granted that it's only 6:25 a.m., I guess it can be misconstrued as me being crazy. But I guess I'm scared because I have to do it alone now. I know that now. I didn't know that it'd me this hard--since everyone that I'm closest to is beyond me. And, I've been having a really, really hard time with that. I don't ever want to grow up, I want to live in my mom's basement until she kicks me out.
Sometimes I wish I could go back to those days with Joshua Ficken and cast Harry Potter spells in my backyard. Or to the times when it wasn't frowned upon to take a nap in the middle of the day, but rather encouraged.
I've grown a lot in the past year, and...I suppose it's a good thing. I know where I want to go, and who I want to be. But, do you think if I begged, they'd let me stay in high school for another three years? Next year I will be a senior, and then I'll move onto college. It's a bittersweet thing, because I am so jealous of the class of 2010 because they get to get started on their life. And I'm still going to roam the halls of a high school with 2000 other students. Where computer systems don't know me by name, but by a number.
So, I guess I'll suck it up, and finish this week, and enjoy my last summer. Because sooner more than later, I do have to grow up. And I would like to enjoy that...because I'm just not ready to grow up.

"If you close your eyes, you may see a pool of lovely pale colors. If you squeeze them tighter, the pool will take on different shapes, and the colors will become brighter - so bright, that in a moment they'll go on fire. And in that moment, just before they do, you will see Never Land."



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