A Mess, It Grows.

I used to think I was ready--there was no doubt in my mind, that when the time was right, I would give it away. It being my virginity. But, today I met this girl, I wish I knew her name...but I don't. I was sitting at dinner with my mother and her friend, Brenda, at our usual gathering place, La Frontera. At the time, we were just having girl talk, and this waitress sat down as casual as could be, and asked, "Girl talk! What are we talking about?" If you know my mom, you know that she's not shy about anything, so she responded, "Sex." Long story short, it came down to us talking about me and my choices about sex.
I've been talking to my mom about putting me on 'the pill' just in case. And, as any mother would suspect, she would think that I had been thinking about having sex, which is true. But as I listened to this waitress, I realized just how unprepared I am for something so serious. She waited until she was twenty-eight years old, and, if you ask me...that says a lot about who she is as a person. I have great respect for her, because she told us she isn't LDS, and never had been. She just didn't want to. I'm sure one might find it odd why her saying something as simple as that made me realize how naive I have been, and I can see why. Yet, I really have no rebuttal--all I can say is that it did.
I don't understand why teens are so quick in wanting to throw their lives away. First, you can't wait until you're sixteen so you can drive. Then, you can't wait until you're eighteen so you can move out and get wicked tattoos. Finally, before you know it, you're married with three kids and you're looking back wondering, "Where did all that time go?" At least that's what an older 'friend' of mine once said to me. And I can't say that I have never wished I was older. I am guilty of that, for sure. But, I never really gave much thought about it until today. I don't want to grow up, I don't want the pressures of having sex at the age of seventeen. I don't want to feel tied down at such a young age--there's still a lot to experience. I'm not ready...because I don't want to lose my virginity, I would like to give it to someone who means the world to me, and who I have no doubt in my mind will be there in the morning. I find it funny, (I'm guilty of this too) that people at the age of fifteen can talk to their boyfriend or girlfriend about their future, and how many kids they're going to have, and what they imagine their wedding to be like. The sad thing about it, is that it isn't likely that they will end up together anyway. Because as I said, there's so much to experience. What you may want as a teenager, may not be what you want when you have a decent head on your shoulders. And I guess I really have no right to 'preach' to anyone...because how do I know, right? I don't know, I guess I just like to think that I have a logical way of thinking and just want to make sure that if I make a mistake, it isn't impossible to fix.


On another note:

1. We are all born unequal. Which is sad, because in the eyes of God, we are all the same value. We live in a society where if you are born into a poor family, and all you are taught is to be poor, you are more than likely going to live your life as so. It's called self-fulfilling prophecies. When we are taught that we will never amount to anything, and that we are low, ugly, beautiful, or anything else that you have been called, after hearing it enough times, we believe it. It's a cruel, cruel world. Considering the different social classes and everything else that associates us to a certain group. Rarely are we ever looked upon as human beings, but on what we have. I take classes downtown, right across the street from the homeless shelter, and sure, you have pity for the man you see carrying all his belongings in a brown paper bag, but then to the left of him you see another homeless man shooting up. Thus, stereotyping homeless people for drug addicts, and lazy son-of-a-bitches. Most will never wonder why these people are where they are, or what they go through every day when we having things much easier. As lame as it sounds, but I honestly feel bad for the people in the world that are so close-minded and only live in fundamental attribution. It's a cruel, cruel world.

2. Men are the superior out of the males and females. So we are taught. And women complain about how we are treated unjust. In my opinion, it is the opposite way around. Women have so many more opportunities than men. Men are expected to have it all, know it all, and accomplish it all on their own, but the females are given aid and special attention. Without sounding racist, why is it that there are scholarships for an African-American male, a Hispanic male, and a whoever male, but there aren't nearly as many for a Caucasian male. How does the world expect a man to be successful if he is not given equal opportunity? It really grinds my gears thinking about all the flaws society has, and it sucks because really, there isn't a single thing I can do. All I can do is agree to disagree.

3. There is a girl at my school who has cancer. And most find it heartless and rude that I have no empathy for her. I don't feel I should go out of my way to be nice to her just because she is sick. She has never done anything for me and probably hasn't for most of the people at my school. Her having cancer doesn't make her a saint and I don't understand why people treat her as though she is one. Sure, she's optimistic, but so am I. And I didn't have to get cancer for me to see the glass as half-full. Mad props to the girl for making it where she is today, but it's frustrating. In my opinion, if you are too sick to go to school, and you still do, it is selfish. Because then I have to go out of my way so she can be in a safe environment. In reality, it would be a lot easier if she stayed home rather than disrupting many kids' experiences at school. But over all, the reason I do not show her any empathy, is because I'm sure she doesn't want it. If I had cancer, I wouldn't want people to worship me because I had cancer, I would want them to accept me because I had done something worthwhile. I really don't see how that make me heartless, then again, we all have different opinions.

But, I guess that's my rant for now. I like to think I made some strong points, and I'm sure I sounded like a huge bitch throughout most of this--but I can't say I care. I've just been thinking about it a lot lately.