Behind my front door there's a story that doesn't seem to be a very good one--but I guess that's because I'm being pretty pessimistic.
It's funny how one day your life is going great--and it stays that way for awhile, then one day you wake up and your world has flipped inside out and upside down.
I had a great vacation...only to come home to a really stressful situation. To be frank, I'm depressed. Everything we worked so hard to fix, is a mess. I just want to close my door, turn out all the lights, and curl up in a ball and cry like there's no tomorrow. Sometimes I wish I were too young to understand what was going on...I know it isn't possible, but it's okay to wish, right? I've been thinking about a lot lately--about everything in my life. I miss my dad, oh I miss him. I miss his sense of security--and his hugs. The gentle giant...
I don't know where it went, my self-confidence is shot. I just wish I had direction. I wish I knew where I wanted to go. Or what I wanted, because right now, I feel so lost. I hate how I'm in this roller coaster of feelings. I hate feeling great one second, then feeling like shit the next. I hate that there's nothing I can do, but sit back and watch as my mom struggles. Even if I were to tell you half of what was going on, I don't think you could comprehend...and I have no one to turn to, no one to talk to.
Dear God, if you're there, please help me find my peace. Sincerely, Brooke.
1 comment:
"... and I have no one to turn to, no one to talk to."
I think thats the beauty of blogging. You think you have no one to talk to, but if you write about it, its like you're sending it into the world. And its lingering in the air waiting for someone to read it. For someone to listen. It doesnt matter if you get feedback, becuase you know its been said. And you know your words and thoughts are floating amongst the huge waves of other words and thoughts. Its like... maybe they're not talking back, but its a relief to talk to them. You know? When I feel like I have no one to talk to, I blog, journal, write, something. I send it into the world any way I can.
This post was almost a month ago, but I still felt the need to comment on that one line.
And also, whoever you're talking to, give them a chance to comprehend. I can guarantee they'll understand more than you could imagine. =)
-Adriana
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